Purpose
To help you discover practical ways to speak your wife’s romantic love language and to help her meet yours
Advance Preparation
- Schedule a dinner date, coffee date, meet during your lunch hour or after kids are in bed.
- Each spouse should spend a few minutes making their own list of how they feel loved.
During the Date
Exchange lists with each other and discuss them together. Tips below…
- Avoid the temptation to say, “you never do this for me.” The purpose of this activity is to give each other practical ideas to communicate your love in the coming weeks and months rather than present a list of past failures.
- (HINT: take a moment to list some of these things from your spouse’s list in your calendar. Then on various days in the coming weeks and months you can be intentional to follow through)
- Keep in mind that this activity is like requesting a Christmas or birthday gift list. It will help you give based upon clear needs and likes. Don’t treat it like a task list but as an opportunity to find more meaningful ways to express your love.
What Says “I Love You” to Your Wife?
Every house demands attention: dirty windows, squeaky doors, broken blinds, and the like. These projects end up on what your wife might label a honey-do list: tasks she wants you to handle that may or may not match your own list of priorities. Conflict can emerge when things on her list aren’t as important to you as they are to her. In like manner, every husband and wife has a different honey-do list when it comes to romance.
What expressions of love carry the most meaning for your wife? How does her list differ from yours? Things that seem romantic to you may not spark the same feelings in your wife and what might “turn her on” may have li4le effect on you.
Use these steps to help create a game plan for more romance in your marriage.
STEP #1
Take turns identifying “gifts” that make you feel loved.
- Give me a hug
- Kiss me goodnight
- Kiss me before work
- Pray with me
- Come home on time
- Call during the day
- Say you’re proud of me
- Wink/whistle at me
- Come to bed when I do
- Text you’re thinking about me
- Make my favorite meal
- Show interest in my work
- Bring me flowers
- Write me a note
- Take a walk with me
- Flirt with me
- Play with the kids
- Surprise me with a small gift
- Compliment me
- Ignore phone while with me
- Help me around the house
- Rub my feet
- Hold my hand
- Nibble my neck
STEP #2
Take turns identifying the three most meaningful expressions of love to add to one another’s honey-do lists. Suggestions can come from the above list or not.
If your spouse says cleaning a clu4ered kitchen shows love, write it down! Keep the short list with you to target simple, positive and practical ways of saying “I love you” in the weeks ahead!
STEP #3
Husbands, take the lead here. Hold hands and pray this simple prayer together…
“Lord, thank you for making us unique. Help us to communicate our love for each other more oDen and in meaningful ways. As we do, remind us that loving each other is one way that we show our love for You. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
